Elephant Eye

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Pancake Tuesday

Delicious, toddler-approved pancake recipe found here.

August 'Break'

I was checking out my dear friend Christine's blog yesterday and discovered a neat posting project called August Break. I realize I hardly need a break as I've barely gotten going, but hey that's the beauty of this space, I can do whatever I like with no judgement. :)

I could look at these guys all day long...

In My Head

Suffice it to say I am an introvert, and become more so the older I get. I have never been an initiator of conversations or someone who tells my secrets. I am very, very guarded, and while some of that comes from hurts and life experiences, a lot of it is just me. Since having a child, and from watching her personality grow and evolve, I've come to realize so much of who we are is just imprinted in our DNA. For me this has been a revelation of sorts (although being a Science-nerd it shouldn't have been so surprising), and it's caused me to look at myself a bit differently. These days I'm trying to be more gentle, and feel less guilt and annoyance when I am not the person I think I should be. It's slow going but I am feeling a shift inside myself and I've been doing a lot of soul searching for what might be missing in my life and how I'd like to fill in the spaces, in a comfortable and loving way. The biggest challenge for an introvert with a demanding toddler is finding time for myself. And that time is so very necessary, so that I stay healthy and happy. Fortunately I have a supportive husband who regularly pushes me out the front door (or at least tries to). Even an hour at a coffee shop so I can be with my thoughts is like injecting a healing elixir right into my veins. Which brings me to this blog. I've been thinking some about this space and I've realized through these thoughts that this space could be that 'time for myself'. It could be the space I recharge some and feel a bit more whole. Obvious right? That writing is healing and helps clear ones head...obvious for some yes, but I've never been much for the obvious. :)

I started this blog with grandiose visions of being the next Soulemama. Yeah, that is so not happening (I do LOVE her though)! But truthfully I would just like a place to share some of my thoughts and get out of my head some of the time. I started my first journal when I was probably 11 years old. I remember being very excited about it and began diligently writing in it every day. Soon though, the act of writing and the stories I had to say made me feel sad. So I stopped. Over the years I've begun a new journal several more times, but each and every time I stop after a half-dozen or so entries. It's tended to be exhausting for me to speak my truth. It's made me feel things too readily and that's just been too overwhelming. And then along came blogs, which I've been reading and admiring for years. I love the honesty that I see and the brave people who share their lives. I know most of the time the act is selfish but so often it becomes a source of inspiration and motivation for others. Essentially this is what I'd like: to be more honest, and brave, and possibly inspire someone else to speak their truth too.

And now, I must go give myself over to my toddler and play dress-up. :)

The Slow Wean

One of the best parts of being a Mother so far has been the bond between my daughter and I because of nursing. It has been our lifeblood, our link, a deep connection tying her spirit to mine. It is beautiful and nourishing and inspiring. But some days it is also hard and exhausting and a real challenge. You see, my daughter is now over 18 months old, and nursing a toddler is nothing like nursing a wee babe. A toddler is spirited and inquisitive and not always gentle. And my little one in particular, quite likes her milk, thank you very much, and isn't so keen on replacing it with regular 'ole food. Which brings us to our current state of things...the slow wean. I first gathered some info from some other dear nursing duos, and then made a loose plan for how often I wanted her to nurse. Now admittedly I kinda cringe when I think about creating a schedule for this, her thirst, her hunger. I am a believer in doing things naturally, and nursing has always been led by my daughter. But as with most things there comes a time when we need a little push, a gentle nudge to move us into the next stage.This is especially necessary when Mama is tired and getting sick a lot, and desiring a solo outing once in a while. So, for us right now the nudge has been me offering more fruit and yogurt, and creating impromptu dance parties as a means of distraction. Much to my surprise it is working and hasn't been as painful as I thought. In fact, I think it's been harder on me than on her, and as much as I look forward to the next stage of sentences and dress-up, for now I am cherishing the sweet baby times we have left.

Starting Again

It seems my fears of over-writing were unsubstantiated. Surprise, surprise! Well, I could blame months of teething and sleep deprivation and play dates and tea parties, but really why the blame? I'll just begin again and see what happens. I wasn't always so quick to let go of my mistakes (as I saw them), but it's almost like being a parent forces you to live in the moment. Frankly, there usually just isn't time to dwell, and mind space is taken up with remembering where we have to be and when we last ate. Yes, it's a glamourous life! I love it though, I really do. Being a mother is so very much a gift for me. My daughter teaches me more each day than I could have ever imagined and for that I am so grateful. Speaking of living in the moment, I'm reading a wonderful book right now: Buddhism for Mothers by Sarah Napthali. I've always gravitated towards Buddhist principles, but I haven't studied the path extensively. This book is a wonderful, simple summary of Buddhism in general, with examples and stories of how it can be applied to the unique challenges a mother faces. The best part is that it's truly a book for Mamas, about how we can better cope and flourish in the face of everyday life. It's beautiful really, and I haven't wanted to part with it. Unfortunately I got it from the library and now it's 3 days overdue. Better get on that!

But before I run off to the library I want to thank someone. Through her inspiring blog, and generous giveaway (which I won!) I found the push I needed to try again at this blog thing. Thank you again Lauren! :)